What is a memorial service?
What is a memorial service and how is it different to a funeral? Find out what happens at a memorial service and how to plan one.
A memorial service can be a touching way to mark a person's death and honour the life they led.
But what
is
a memorial service, exactly? And what's the difference between a memorial service and a funeral ceremony?
In this guide, we explain what a memorial service is and answer some of the most common questions about memorial services.
What is the meaning of 'memorial service'?
A memorial service is a ceremony where people come together to remember a person who has died.
The main difference between a memorial service and a funeral is when they take place. A funeral service happens shortly after a person dies and is meant as a last goodbye. A memorial service can happen any time after the funeral and is more about honouring the person's life and remembering special times together.
This also means the person's body isn't present at a memorial service. The body is usually there at the funeral.
When can a memorial service be held?
There are no rules on when you can hold a memorial service. It could be weeks, months or years after the person has died.
One reason you might want to hold a memorial service quite quickly is if the person had a direct cremation. That's because direct cremation doesn't include a formal funeral ceremony. Instead, the person is cremated at a date chosen by the crematorium, and no friends or family are allowed to go. Holding a memorial service a few days or weeks later gives these loved ones a chance to say goodbye.
Some people, however, wait until a significant anniversary (10 years, for instance) before holding a memorial service. Others hold a memorial service on the date of the person's death every year.
What happens at a memorial service?
Unlike some kinds of funerals, there's no fixed structure or strict rules for a memorial service. The service can have any feel and any structure you want.
Some feel more like gatherings or
wakes – a chance for people to get together, share food and reminisce about the person who died. Others may include speeches from loved ones. That could be as part of a formal timetable, or people could be allowed to speak whenever they feel the time is right. There might be music, poetry, photo slideshows and even activities or games.
As a rule, memorial services tend to be more informal than funerals. However, they don't have to be. You can make it as formal and structured as a traditional funeral service if that's what feels right for you.
How much does a memorial service cost?
Holding a memorial service can cost you nothing or can cost thousands of pounds. It all depends on what you want for the service.
You might want to hire a venue, for instance. That can cost anything from £100 to £1,000 or more. If you want catering, that might cost £5 to £50 per guest, depending on the type of meal. And flowers or decorations can range from around £25 to several hundred pounds.
Alternatively, you can hold the memorial at home and pay nothing at all – except, perhaps, the cost of a few snacks and refreshments.
Another option is an online memorial service on a videoconferencing platform like Zoom. Again, this option may well cost you nothing.
How to organise a memorial service
Just as there are no strict rules for what happens at a memorial service, there are no fixed guidelines for organising one. Again, it depends on the kind of service you have in mind.
That said, a few basic considerations will always crop up. These include:
- The location: think about where the memorial service might take place. Will you hire a venue or hold the memorial at home? Should you choose a venue that meant something to the person who died? Will it be an online memorial service?
- The guest list: who will come to the memorial service? Will it be an intimate occasion for close family members or a big celebration of life?
- The date and time: once you know the venue and guest list, choose a date and time that would work for as many people as possible. If you're hiring a venue, make sure to check availability first.
- Invitations: it's time to invite people to the memorial service. You could send each guest a formal invitation, a quick email or even a text message.
- Catering and decorations: if you want food, flowers or decorations at the memorial service, it's best to arrange them as soon as possible. This helps avoid problems later on.
- The timetable: you might want a fixed structure for the memorial service. If so, find out who wants to speak and plan timings to make sure everyone gets their chance. You may want to print this timetable as a formal order of service.
- Any special extras: finally, it's time to plan for the little extras that make the service feel extra special. For instance, you could include music, videos or a memory table with objects and photographs that remind people of the person who died.
More FAQs about memorial services
Can you have a memorial service without the person's body?
Yes. In fact, most memorial services take place without the person's body. This is because the service happens after the person is put to rest.
If the person has been cremated, however, the family might choose to have the person's ashes at the memorial service.
Can you have a memorial service at home?
Yes. Holding a memorial service at a family home can feel very special. After all, it's probably a place where the person who died felt comfortable and safe. This sense of comfort and safety will come across at the service.
It's also a way to save money. If you hold a memorial service at home, you don't have to pay to hire a venue. You probably won't need many decorations or extras to strike the right mood, either.
Can you have a memorial service in a church?
Many churches will be happy to hold a memorial service. The easiest way to find out is to ask.
It's worth bearing in mind that a church memorial will have a religious feel. The priest or faith leader may want to be involved, and the service may include Christian elements. That's why memorial services in churches best suit people who led a religious life.
In the Church of England, there's a tradition called All Souls. This is a special service where anyone can come and light a candle to remember a person who has died. All Souls takes place on 2 November each year.
Can you have a memorial service years later?
Yes. You can hold a memorial service months, years or even decades after a person dies. There are no time limits and no rules.
Are you in London and need help from a funeral director who puts your needs first? Akshardham Funeral Directors is a Middlesex funeral home that provides compassionate, step-by-step support to families throughout Greater London. Call us at any time on 020 8355 7876 – we are always ready to help.
