What to write on a headstone
Choosing the right inscription for a headstone can be difficult. Read our guide to see some meaningful ideas.
Have you been tasked with choosing the inscription for a headstone? While many people see this as an honour, it can also feel quite overwhelming.
As with many aspects of funerals and after-death arrangements, many are worried they'll make the wrong decision or say the wrong thing.
This is partly because headstones are usually there for a long time – and while they can be changed, it's not an easy process.
At Akshardham Funeral Directors, we believe that there's no right or wrong way to grieve – and the same goes for the inscriptions on headstones. Whether a message is from the heart or just descriptive, it's likely to be a suitable tribute to the person who has died.
Nevertheless, many people choosing an inscription look for guidance. Here are some key things to keep in mind.
1. Choose an inscription that will last
Headstones are meant to last for a long time. When choosing an inscription, it's worth imagining how it will look in 10, 20 or 50 years. Will it be the right order of words then as well as now?
2. Take your time
When a person dies, some tasks need to be dealt with urgently. A headstone inscription isn't one of them. Usually, the headstone won't be placed for several months – often up to a year.
This frees you up to think carefully about the inscription. The inscription can come out of reflection and discussion with family and friends. There's rarely any need to rush.
3. Involve other people
Did the person who died have friends and family other than you? It can be a good idea to get them involved in choosing a headstone inscription.
This could be at the brainstorming stage or just before you commit to your choice. Either way, involving others can lead to new ideas – and take away some of the stress.
4. Think about how it will look
A headstone presents information visually. Because of this, you should think about how the inscription will look as well as sound.
Will the inscription take up too much room on the headstone? What font or fonts will you use? Answering these questions can help you pick the right inscription.
5. Check the details
It's hard (though not impossible) to change headstone inscriptions once they're carved. Always make sure there are no spelling or grammar errors and that the dates are accurate before sending your inscription to the engraver.
What to write on a headstone
Most headstones have a top line, a name or names, dates of birth and death and some personal words.
Classic top lines include "In memory of", "Rest in peace" and "Here lies". Other options include "In memoriam", "In remembrance" and "In loving memory of". For couples, many choose "Together again", "Together at last" or "Reunited".
The more personal words can focus on who the person was and the people who loved them. Phrases like "Much loved wife/husband", "Devoted father" and "Beloved son/daughter" are often used.
This section of the headstone can also emphasise the impact the person's death has had and will have on the people who loved them. You might choose a phrase like "Always in our hearts", "Treasured by family and friends", "Her memory will live on" or "Forever loved".
People also often include quotations from songs, literature and religious texts. Here are some ideas:
- "We'll meet again" – Vera Lynn
- "The song is ended, but the melody lingers on" – Irving Berlin
- "Music, when soft voices die, / Vibrates in the memory" – Percy Bysshe Shelley
- "I am the way, and the truth, and the life" – John 14:6
- "To Allah we belong and to him we shall return" – Quran 2:156
When choosing a quotation, the important thing to remember is that there are no right or wrong choices. There are only choices that are more or less appropriate to the person who died.
The quotation could be from a song, poem or film loved by the person who died. It could be their favourite phrase or something they often said. It could be a well-known phrase. It all depends on your wishes and what you know about the person being remembered.
If in doubt, speak to family or friends. You could also ask your funeral director or the stonemason for advice.
How much does a headstone cost?
The exact cost of a headstone will depend on its size and the type of stone used. But the average cost is somewhere between £1,000 and £2,000.
Can a headstone be changed?
Headstones can be changed. This could be a case of repairing the headstone, adding an inscription or replacing it entirely.
Before this can be done, however, you need to get permission from the owner of the gravesite. You also need to involve a registered stonemason.
Where should a headstone be placed?
Headstones in the UK and elsewhere are usually placed at the head of the grave.
Are there rules about headstone inscriptions?
In non-religious cemeteries, there are no rules about headstone inscriptions. However, it's worth okaying the inscription with the cemetery before getting it engraved.
Religious cemeteries can have rules about what is and isn't allowed on a headstone. For this reason, you should always check with them before committing to an inscription.
Can you choose your own headstone inscription?
Yes, you can. This could be included in your will or funeral plan or communicated to friends or family members another way.
Can a headstone inscription be humorous?
There's no reason why a headstone inscription shouldn't be humorous, so long as you think it's something the person who died would have wished for.
Are you looking for affordable funeral services in London? At Akshardham Funeral Directors, we'll lend a listening ear and help you arrange the funeral you want – no matter your faith or personal needs. Please don't hesitate to get in touch – our phone lines are open 24/7.
