What to say to someone going to a funeral
It can be hard to know what to say to someone who's going to a funeral. Explore some suggestions in our guide.
Do you have a friend, colleague or loved one going to a funeral that you're not attending? You probably want to say something – and you might be unsure what that should be.
This is normal. Death can be a sensitive subject in British culture and you may be worried about getting it "wrong".
Try not to worry. No matter what you say, most people will appreciate that you've made the effort. Even a brief text message or in-person conversation can make somebody feel supported at a difficult time.
Here are some pointers to help you find the right words.
How to talk to someone going to a funeral
Your priority is to show care and support. It's also important to show that you're listening. You can do this with a short text message or conversation.
A lot can be said in a few words. If you feel it's appropriate, however, you could share a positive memory of the person who died or offer specific support for after the funeral.
What to say in person to someone attending a funeral
Here are some ideas for what to say in person to someone attending a funeral:
- "Sorry for your loss."
- "I'm here for you."
- "My condolences."
- "Let me know if you need anything."
If they seem stressed, you could gently ask them how they're feeling. If they cry, let them. And if you know someone else who'll be at the funeral, send love and regards.
What to say in a message to someone going to a funeral
Here are some ideas for what to say in a message to someone attending a funeral:
- "Thinking of you."
- "I'm sorry for your loss."
- "My deepest condolences."
- "I'm just a phone call away."
- "I'm here to listen if you want to talk."
Things to avoid when talking to someone going to a funeral
It's impossible to guess how a person will respond to what you say. There are, however, some things you should probably avoid when talking to someone going to a funeral.
Advice is usually considered inappropriate. You can't "fix" a person's grief and they may take it badly.
The same goes for making the conversation about you. It's more important to listen and offer support.
It's also sometimes considered offensive to put a positive spin on death. The rare exception might be when you're echoing something the person going to the funeral has said.
Your priority is to show care and support at a difficult time. This can come across even if you don't manage to express yourself exactly as you would like.
AFD is an independent funeral director based in Edgware, Greater London. For more tips and guides on funeral etiquette, read our blog.
