How to write a poem for a funeral

Do you want to write a poem for a funeral or memorial service? Get some useful tips in our guide.



This could consist of writing down memories of the person – their habits, personality, achievements and relationships. It could consist of identifying the mood you want to capture. (Celebration? Mourning? Both?)

You might put aside time to read other funeral poems. There are many available online. You can also go to the library or bookshop and get a poetry anthology.

However you go about it, the point is to put aside some time to figure out what you want the poem to be. This process could be described as a combination of active thought and daydreaming – equal parts staring out of the window, making notes and reading around.

Once you've established your theme and tone, it's time to find a form and structure.

Finding a form

Sometimes, a thought or feeling arrives at the same time as its form. You might, for instance, think of a rhyming couplet and decide to write the rest of the poem with that pattern.

Other times, you have the thought or feeling but not the form. Your next task is to find a form to be the vessel or carrier for your ideas.

If you're not familiar with poetic forms, you could read a book on writing poetry. You could also flick through anthologies or look for funeral poems online. What rhymes and rhythms appeal to you?

Rhyming couplets and ABAB structures (where the first line rhymes with the third and the second rhymes with the fourth) are easy ways into writing a poem. More complex forms include sonnets.

It's important to remember that poems don't have to rhyme. There are, in fact, no rules. If your poem isn't coming naturally, your best bet is to look for a model and imitate it.

First thought, best thought?

The Beat poet Allen Ginsberg said of poetry: "First thought, best thought." He wanted poetry to be a spontaneous overflow like Wordsworth. But unlike Wordsworth, he thought that the process of perspiration was likely to spoil a poem rather than improve it.

You may find that your poem comes in one go, like an egg from a chicken. If not, there's no shame in writing and rewriting until you're happy.

One approach is to write a lot and then highlight the parts you like. This is the approach that Bob Dylan took when writing his song "Like a Rolling Stone".

Bob says he wrote 20 pages before he settled on the final version. But you don't need to write 20 pages – or even one page. The point is that overwriting can be the first step to writing well. You just need to keep trying and not be disheartened if the poem doesn't meet your standards straight away.

Knowing when to stop

"A poem", wrote W.B. Yeats, "comes right with a click like a closing box." But what if it doesn't?

If you can't get your poem right, there's no shame in abandoning it. This could mean starting afresh – or it could mean reading the poem as it is.

The key thing to remember is that the attendees at a funeral aren't there to judge your poem. They're there to celebrate and remember the life of the person who died. Your poem is worth reading, even if you're not completely satisfied with how it's turned out.

And if you do stop before you're satisfied, you're in good company. W.H. Auden (whose "Funeral Blues" is a classic of the genre) once remarked that "A poem is never finished, only abandoned."

Conclusion

Writing a poem for a funeral can be daunting. But with a bit of perseverance and the confidence to know when to stop, you can write something that will resonate with your fellow mourners. We wish you the best of luck.

AFD is a team of compassionate, multi-faith funeral directors in North London. Need some inspiration for your funeral poem? You'll find lots of hand-picked poetry on our blog.